I am Michael Collins. I am a devoted husband, a devoted friend, an avid runner, a mediocre cook, an I.T. consultant, an Information Security expert, an author of mainstream romance and erotica, a 3D artist, a pretty decent piano player, a terrible singer, a liberal, a pacifist, a hiker, a reader, an activist, an environmentalist, a pot smoker, and I have been been into robots and androids since I was 5 or 6 and attracted to them sexually since puberty.
I am a technosexual (my preferred term), but others would call me a robosexual, or even a digisexual. It’s a paraphilia, much like other paraphilias such as erotica asphyxiation, kleptophilia, macrophilia, masochism, voyeurism, and others.
And just to show you how complicated human sexuality is, I’m also gay. But if I had to be really honest with myself, I would say I am more of a technosexual than I am gay. Which has confused some of my partners in the past.
There’s not a lot of information about being a technosexual, or even a robosexual or digisexual. It’s certainly not an area that gets study a lot, and there’s a fair amount of misunderstanding about the paraphilia by even members within the community.
One of the oldest resources that still survives is the “ASFR” community. ASFR stands for
alt.sex.fetish.robots and started out as a Usenet group before the popularity of the Web pushed aside Usenet as a popular form of communication. The ASFR community however has expanded quite a bit over the past 20 or so years. It now includes stone/ statues, rubber, transformations, dolls, mannequins, mind-control/ hypnosis, and more.
Everyone is entitled to their take, so I’m not going to mention much about the other aspects except to say I’m more of a purist, and I freely admit that I don’t quite “get” or comprehend rubber drones, or being transformed into a statue probably in the same sense that if you’re not into robots or android you certainly don’t “get” and may not comprehend much of what I’m talking about here, either.
Which is fine! There are over 7,675,000,000 people on this planet, and I guarantee you there are over 7,675,000,000 different combinations of sexual wants, needs, and desires too! Most of us go through life trying to fit in with what society and our partners expect of us (or what we’re taught to be expected) and few of us actually tell our partners are secret wants and desires out of fear of rejection or humiliation.
It took a long time for me to tell my husband what really turns me on and I was afraid he would laugh at me or think less of me after I told him. His response?
And that’s when he told me one of his favorite turn-ons. Unfortunately for me it happened to be a huge turn-off for me at the time, but I could never tell him that. He obviously knows now, and the “thing” is no longer a turn-off for me any more since I worked on overcoming whatever aversions I had so I could please him, since it was obviously something that had meaning for him.
An Awakening : Lost Saucer
I have a distinct childhood memory from when I was probably 5 or 6 (ca. 1977/1978) of playing “robot” with my best friend after first discovering re-runs of The Lost Saucer on TV. Jim Nabors and Ruth Buzzi played time-traveling androids who landed on Earth and inadvertently kidnapped a boy and girl and took them on adventures.
The fact they were machines, that could think and talk and looked alive, but were at the mercy of their mechanical selves and programming which often times went awry stirred something very deep inside me.
My best friend and I used to often play “robot” after school. I would let him “control” me and make me do things I might not otherwise would have done on my own. At six years old.
I was given a Radio Shack metal detector for Christmas and I used to stick the detector in my shorts with the control box in the center of my chest. There was nothing sexual about any of this, a six-year-old is not a sexual being. But the metal detector only aided my fantasy since it forced me to be very stiff and very deliberate with my movements.
This continued for several months until my friend grew tired and we all discovered this new invention called video games and our attention (and allowances) were later directed to arcades and televisions.
As cheesy as Lost Saucer is by todays’ standards, and the fact that they only made maybe a dozen episodes in total, the series still holds a special place in my heart. It was the catalyst that made me realize who and what I am.
Of course right after Lost Saucer Star Wars was released and the whole World was introduced to C-3PO and R2-D2. And that’s when I discovered that androids could become even more complex and my imagination ran wild. I wanted to be C-3PO, not ever having to worry about pain or sickness. Able to have an entire library of knowledge at my fingertips.
Puberty : Not Quite Human, D.A.R.Y.L., Bionics
By the early 1980s puberty was setting in. My body was growing, and my hormones were raging. I honestly had no idea I was gay back then, because my very first orgasm was to me fantasizing about being a robot and “rebooting” unexpectedly.
I used to do this thing when I was a kid where I’d put a Bible in my pants (a throwback to when I used to play “robot” when I was a child) which lifted me off the floor or a table where I could “plank” myself. And that’s when I discovered the pudendal nerve. The pudendal nerve branches out into various parts of the male reproductive organs. I (everyone may have this it’s not like I’ve asked anybody about this officially) apparently have a nerve cluster that is in-front of my pubic bone. Thus, when I’d plank myself, the weight of my body, pressing on the Bible, pushing against my pubic bone, used to cause me an intense orgasm without or without an erection.
Hell, that’s how I used to masturbate for the longest time since I didn’t need any sexual arousal. And my orgasms would always be incredibly strong too each and every time.
So as puberty raged on I discovered a book series that I think most of us have discovered at one point or another, and that’s Seth McEvoy’s young-adult novel, Not Quite Human. I think for most of us that novel was a turning-point. So many kids discovered they were either a robosexual or technosexual after reading those books, and those books still form the base fantasy for so many of us. I still have every one of the books, and used to spend hours on-end drawing my own Chip Carson based on the crude schematic that was included with each book in the series.
As we all know Not Quite Human went on to be turned into a made-for-television movie starring Jay Underwood and Alan Thicke. But like with most movies adapted from novels, the books are so much better.
The 1980s also saw the release of the movie D.A.R.Y.L. about a young boy that was an android created by the military, not to mention the Six-Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman. Cyborgs are part of the ASFR universe too, I might add. 🙂
The fascination with having self-will but possibly having that will overridden by programming or malfunction is a core component of my fantasies to this day.
Junior High : Freak of Nature & Thank You Sears Catalogs, Hollywood
So an interesting thing happened in Junior High. I started to grow. Like a lot. I went from being the same height as all my friends when I was in elementary school and 7th grade that by the time I was in 9th grade I was already 6 feet tall, was being begged to join the basketball team (I hate basketball), and was growing quite a bit in other areas too.
So much so that at the start of 9th grade and P.E. — now mind you, this was in middle Georgia, where it was (is still) hotter than hell, and wetter than a truckers’ ass — I went to take a shower afterwards and let’s just say what I gained in height I also gained quite a bit in length, too.
To the point where some of the kids real quick that day started making fun (they were just jealous) and accused me of being an alien or a freak of nature. One guy even theorized I was grown in a lab or genetically engineered because nobody had a dick that looked like mine. I think the fact that I am uncut probably didn’t help matters.
I was cool with all of it though because little did they know that I often fantasized about not being human myself though I had no idea I was any bigger than most. I would often daydream in class about being a machine. Something built. Designed. Engineered. Processing. Not thinking.
Back in the day though Sears would produce these catalogs and would have newspaper ads with sketch drawing of their models modeling their latest underwear. Yeah. Little queer boy me just loved to take those catalog pictures and underwear drawings and turn them into robots and androids. My Trapper Keeper was always full of little horny drawings.
But newsflash, I can’t draw for shit. Unless I was tracing something and then adding the mechanics and wires inside myself.
I can’t draw for shit.
The 80s brought us more sci-fi goodness with RoboCop, Terminator, Alien, and a bunch of other sci fi films with robots and androids I can’t even remember. Not to mention Star Trek The Next Generation with a “fully-functional” Lt. Cmdr. Data, too!
It was also about this time where I started fantasizing about boys too, and by the time 9th grade rolled-around I was having some serious crushes on some of the guys I was going to school with.
High School : International Male, UnderGear, Computers, Robotics, Cybernetics, TV
By high school the word was out. My nickname was tripod. By this time the Sears catalogs had given way to International Male and UnderGear catalogs. Half my fashion was from International Male. This was probably about the time my parents figured out I was gay too.
To help quell the unbearable Macon, Georgia summer heat I joined the high school dive and swim team. I loved swimming, and I was a pretty decent diver.
Now if you’re swimming and diving, odds are you’re wearing a Speedo. Even if you’re not wearing an actual Speedo, you’re wearing a bikini bottom bathing suit. We wore Speedos. But some people didn’t.
It was then that I learned that there are some fucked up prudish religious fucking freaks in Macon, Georgia. And if I’m being honest it was the bullshit created over my first county meet over my goddamn bulge where I decided right there that I was going to be an atheist.
Yes, I had the biggest bulge of any of the guys on any of the teams.
I was told basically that I could no longer compete because people found my anatomy obscene.
I almost went into wrestling! But settled on track & field, and I’m glad that I did. I loved running and running is still a very big part of my life today.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the International Male and UnderGear catalogs. LOL! Well, UnderGear had the best looking models always nearly naked so every few weeks when another catalog would come in they would be inspiration for my robot and android fantasies. The drawings looked like shit, but the fantasies provided for an endless supply of erections.
The Discovery of Poser
About 25 years ago I was browsing the software aisle at a computer store and I discovered the CD-ROM for this graphics application called Poser. I think it was version 1.0 or 2.0 or something like that. So I bought it and loaded it up and it allowed me to create a 3D image of a man. I could adjust that man. Make him short or tall. Make him fat or skinny. Give him a penis. Give him a very big penis. And I could control his arms and joints by moving dials.
I think I may have came 10x that first night playing with the software.
This was perfect. This allowed me to create a virtual android on my screen and control it.
My fascination with 3D characters, and 3D art continues to this day after 25 years, and I still render robots and aliens. Though today I use different software.
Y2K and the Michael Collins’ Story
After 25 years of dreaming about and fantasizing about and wishing aliens would abduct me and transfer my consciousness into an android body, everything kind of came to a head in December 1999 and January 2000 when I published my Michael Collins’ story to Yahoo and ASSTR (The Alt.Sex.Stories Text Repository).
As tech pundits and news broadcasts were predicting doom and gloom when Y2K rolled-around, I had the idea for a story about an android (loosely autobiographical) that didn’t realize he was an android until Midnight on January 1, 2000 while making love to his girlfriend he “crashed”.
So that’s the history of me, and pretty much the first 25 years of my journey into ASFR.
This site, and what I choose to post here, is a continuation of that journey.
You’re welcome to come along for the ride.